I should be at rock bottom…

I feel like I owe you all an explanation on what’s been happening to me in these last few months. As you know I’ve mentioned that I’ve been getting out there and living my life, which is why I’ve not been writing much. The truth is I’ve fallen in love with every new moment that becomes an experience. While my weekends were usually spent locking myself away in my room and updating you on what I did during the week, I’ve swapped it with having fun and living new adventures.

I’m excited to share that I’ve been taken off my insulin medication which has been a real dream come true and my confidence has soared. I’ve mentioned before how I’ve always struggled with accepting this illness and part of the reason falls with me being left in the dark due to not knowing what type of diabetes I actually have. The worst part is that the doctors think I could be either but they still don’t know for sure.

At my last hospital appointment I finally received some explanations and was told that because my pancreas still makes insulin it allows my sugar levels to be well controlled provided I’m also eating a healthy diet. This means that I’m more likely to be a type 2 diabetic. I still need to monitor it closely to avoid serious complications but I’m trying to do everything I can to avoid having to go back to injecting myself 5 times a day so much so I’ve also started to take my fitness a lot more seriously too! But the doctors also think that I could be experiencing a pro-longed honeymoon period which in basic English means because my pancreas has not yet fully shut down, my diabetes is easier to control. So this means I could be a Type 1 diabetic but am behaving like a Type 2 instead… whether I’ll ever receive a definite answer I’ll never know :(…

OK, now that the science lesson is over… I felt like finally I was experiencing what I thought was my happily ever after! I had an awesome job with the opportunity to get somewhere in life, my anxiety was pretty much non existent, my diabetes was a problem far into the distance and my love life was finally starting to make an appearance.

For me, deep down this was all too good to be true and I was right because while everything for once couldn’t have been better, within the blink of an eye it all came crashing down and I lost my job, my sugar levels went from being well controlled to being consistently high, and my anxiety also decided to join the party. Well as for my love life it went from me knowing it existed to it pretty much being extinct again.

I know that I should feel like I’ve hit rock bottom as my life has decided to crash down around me but I’m not, I’m nowhere near. I feel that I’ve done myself a massive favour because I’m now free and I couldn’t be happier for it. I just can’t help but realise that I’m in the prime of my life and that the world is literally my oyster. I can do whatever the hell I want and just knowing that, knowing that I’m in charge kind of excites the hell out of me…I just can’t live my everyday by putting all my energy into making someone else’s happily ever after.

Losing a job happens to everyone… right?! But rather than it being a problem, I just need to get back up and try again but this time, this is the time where I try slightly harder than the last. For me it honestly isn’t the end of the world because although it may have been the perfect place to be working at as I was still in the media environment, I wasn’t happy. A job isn’t everything, there is more to life than working 9-5 and earning money. I know that I should probably be crying myself to sleep over the fact that I lost my income, my work friends and have every other aspect of my life hitting rock bottom, but I’m not. I’ve took solace in the following quotes which have kept me at being sky high and seeing light in all of this, I just can’t help but still have a smile on my face… 5dc5ffb6a0bd516a05a0c6db7ad72806 8bb8653ebe1ab35ff17677a85ec0c2ed 32af0941afe104cb6f3c180167ba4c98

I think that maybe the time has finally arrived for me to get a one way ticket, get the hell out of here and go and find out what it is that I truly want. After all summer has always been the perfect time to plan an adventure right?!

Love,
Lifeisfunbeingme X

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