The last few pages of Summer…

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The Summer days of 2016 are finally over and some may be sad to think that the most magical time of the year has ended but this is where I think they are wrong. I’ll let you into a little secret…you ready? The most magical time of the year hasn’t ended its only just begun!

I bet that you didn’t know that Summer is the season that secretly looks out for you, its the one that’s the most kindest. I look at Summer as the old tree in Pocahontas, you know the one I mean, the one that she goes to for wisdom and guidance. So while you might have been sad that you didn’t achieve your summer body or that your summer romance never arrived… don’t give up! There is still time because Autumn is here to help…magic is about to happen whether you believe me or not…

If you haven’t guessed already… Autumn is my favourite time of the year and I’m glad its arrived because I needed them! I need the leaves beginning to hit the pavement, the wrapping up warm in the evenings, the endless hot chocolates to keep me warm, the fires, the fireworks and every other magical element that makes Autumn…Autumn. I would be lying to myself and all of you if I was to say that my absence in posts have been because I’ve been busy but that’s not been the case…

I’ve been working on myself,  I’ve been trying to make myself a girl that I am proud to introduce myself as Rosa Aversa, that when I say my name the hairs on my skin stand with the same amount of confidence I have inside. It really has been a struggle losing people that I thought truly cared about me and were my genuine friends. Unfortunately along the way I realised that the social life I created around me to avoid feeling lonely was full of people waiting for me to crash down and give up…well guess what?! You all won! I did fall down and I spent weeks feeling hurt and spending nights in tears BUT I also managed to get myself up AGAIN and carry on, so while that was a small blip in my life I’m a lot stronger than I thought I could ever be.

My biggest pet hate about people that think they know me is that they always tend to judge me for having this infectious attachment with life and wanting to have fun…all the time! Get over it already, so what?! I do think that if you too were imprisoned within your own body with an illness you would look at life the same way I do. I really do think that you should always try your hardest to never judge someone because you honestly have no idea what issues people are dealing with and that you should always remember there is logic behind a decision that someone makes whether it makes sense to you or not.

And so in these last couple months I’ve been working out at the gym A LOT and partied even harder! For me it was my escape from all the hurting I felt. Don’t get me wrong staying away from those close to me has always been my defence mechanism I don’t know why but to me it just makes sense being far away from those that are close to me to help get away from that void inside me.

BUT…

Now that this void has finally gone away I feel like I can close the book on this last chapter and finally meet some much needed new characters. It’s silly to think its takes something so simple to click, to help you get over a hurdle you have been struggling with. I was out last night and I was dancing…sober! And I cannot explain how nice it was for once not to feel anxious, self conscious or worrying what others were thinking about me; I just felt free, I felt happy… an emotion I have struggled to feel.

And with that I think I’ve finally reached my closure, the penny has dropped. The world is a big place and wherever you go you will find the same types of people with different names so holding onto to the ones you already know because you’re afraid of letting go and you don’t know what will happen… I think is silly. Everything is temporary nowadays so unless you really want something or someone in life and you fight for it and they don’t want you or it doesn’t work out there’s no point in waiting or hoping that one day your phone will buzz and it will be them, it’ll be too late then.

I’ve finally realised that the moment you realise you don’t need town anymore to be happy is the moment you realise all the unpleasantness you experience can finally be put behind you.

Now this may come as a shock but for my 25th birthday I don’t want a massive piss up where I wake up the next day absolutely dying because I drank so much alcohol! Yes I know the girl that goes out every weekend wants something different, I’m shocked too! I’ve decided that I want to go to Iceland and stare at some stars but then I also need to find someone who loves me enough to want to spend a ridiculous amount of money to celebrate my birthday with me. Recently I just prefer smaller and intimate meetings because there are so many people out there that honestly just belong to the background, not everyone deserves to celebrate every special moment with you.

I know this is the Bridget Jones coming out of me and I know that the majority of my friends have their life figured out, some have kids, some even have bought their own house and the rest have found the love of their life, basically they are in their happily ever after of their story. I would be lying if I was to say that it doesn’t terrify me that I have none of it.

But watching Bridget Jones it makes me realise that there is a time for everything and that it will be fine.  Everything will be fine and if Bridget Jones can have a baby at 43 then I have plenty of time for plenty more fuck ups, heartaches, new mistakes and realising that my poor 24 soon to be 25 year old body can no longer recover as quickly as my 18 year old body once did.

I love that autumn has finally arrived because its time to reconstruct yourself into who you want to become and its where magic finally starts to happen starting with that I’ve realised you begin to add the right people and not temporary ones when you realise you don’t need town anymore to make you happy…

You’ll start to forget the nights wondering who’s out while you’re spending it in bed watching a film constantly checking your phone. You wont feel like you’re missing out on life because you know you are where you are meant to be and that’s when you know you’ve reached closure… I can finally move on I have no interest in looking back and this makes me happy I think the time has arrived to take blogging a lot more seriously so please expect to see a lot more updates from me.

I’m not saying that you need to become a hermit or spend the whole Winter indoors with a blanket. I’m saying treat every day of Autumn and Winter like a special occasion give it a try and I promise you its not any less glamorous appreciating life for what it is and spending a bit of time by yourself…

Love,
Lifeisfunbeingme X

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